


Defeat

by ScryProcion



Series: Fantastic Jankless and Where to find Them [4]
Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Defeat against FNC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:40:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29331714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScryProcion/pseuds/ScryProcion
Summary: Martin's world cracks after FNC's win against G2.Stupid G2 Internet.Pay the bills Carlos.
Relationships: Marcin "Jankos" Jankowski/Martin "Rekkles" Larson
Series: Fantastic Jankless and Where to find Them [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2121417
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	Defeat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MissTired](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissTired/gifts).



> Here we go again.
> 
> I don't have much to said if not to pay attention to the TW. Be careful with the reading, the first part hurts as fuck. I warned you.
> 
> Thanks to MissTired, for asking me to do this. I needed it.
> 
> Thanks to Fluffy_Red_Panda for the editing and the feedbacks. Still the best wife and support in EUW.
> 
> To the whole DreamServer, as always.
> 
> Let me know if someone wants to join!

Martin tries to play it cool. 

When the banner "defeat" appears on his screen, he pouts, the lump previously formed in his throat wider and wider. 

He sighs at Miky's smile addressed to him. 

He listens to the post game discussion staring at the ground, heartbroken. He can even make a few comments, his voice not even trembling.

He admits he wanted to surrender.

He even giggles a little at Caps and Wunder’s show in the Caps Recaps with Caps. 

He greets everyone with a small smile after it, eager to run away from his teammates desolated and pitiful glances. 

He walks to his hotel in quick steps, sliding on the ice covering the streets more than once. 

He returns the welcome of the hotel's hostess with a tiny grin. 

In the elevator, he begins to find that breathing is a little harder.

He reaches his room barely keeping himself standing. 

He collapses on the floor as soon as he slams the door behind him, letting his whole suffering hit him like a hurricane. 

_ Rekkles was not such a big point of reference for FNC. _

_ Upset can even be better for FNC than him.  _

_ I hope he is gonna fail like he did with Elements. _

_ A traitor. I hope to see him losing, he deserves it.  _

_ Rekkles made a mistake by leaving FNC. _

_ He isn't that good anyways. _

He covers his face with his hands, crying all his tears, his worries, his failures. Sat on the floor of his empty room, his demons hunting him. They found him in the end. Now, they can torment him properly, free to live, cause they’ve found confirmation in real life. Now, his demons are true.

_ Rekkles can't be a champion, his career is ended.  _

_ Failure. _

_ Not winning LEC _ . 

_ Ruin _ .

_ Doesn't achieve Worlds _ . 

_ Mistake _ .

He gasps for air, but the sobs shaking his body don't seem to stop, forcing him to inhale sharply and panicking realizing he isn't able to. His lungs start to burn. 

He can't breathe. 

_ Failure _ . 

_ The ruin of G2 dominance _ . 

_ Neckless _ . 

_ Worthless _ . 

_ Hopeless _ . 

He begins to choke, no air left in his lungs anymore. 

Is he going to die soon? Out of breath? 

In the end, does he become  _ breathless _ ?

While Martin can feel his senses abandon him, his mind repeating the words "failure", "ruin" and "mistake", in a glimpse of reason, he unlocks the door. 

But who is gonna come for him? 

_ Inadequate _ .

His brain goes blurry. 

He is now seeing black at the edges of his field of vision. He panics even more, his body and his mind betraying him in the battle against his demons.

But is he even worth fighting?

_ Meritless _ .

The devastating feeling overwhelming him increases more. 

He is so worthless that he is dying from his own demons, unable of chasing them out his brain. 

He can’t even ask for help.

But should he?

He falls on the floor, his back once laying on the wall, hitting the ground sorelly. 

_ Defective _ .

He is lost. 

Beyond saving.

_ Failure _ .

_ Ruin _ .

_ Mistake _ .

Then, a knock on the door. Martin flinches weakly, surprised. But maybe it is only his mind playing with him even through the end.

"Hey, Martin, it's me, Jankos. Listen I couldn't sleep before prostrating myself at your feet asking for forgiveness for my unacceptable…” Marcin stops, fighting with his words.

“Please, let me apologize I... Martin? Why is the door open? Are you ok? Can I come in? Martin? MARTIN!" Martin can barely see what is happening, his mind almost totally in blackout for the lack of oxygen. 

But he can feel. 

He can feel the excruciating agony spreading in his chest. It is the worst torture he can think of.

It reminds him a little of his knee injury.

Another one of his career that ended.

Aching. All of his body screams into soreness.

_ Useless _ .

But he can also feel a gentle touch, a warm embrace, a worried voice. 

"Martin? MARTIN! KURWA! Martin please breathe. Please, please. You can do it, calm down, I am here ok? I am not going anywhere, you're not alone. You're not... You're not. Please. Please." The Pole voice continues to murmuring caring words in his ear, the hot breath matching them hitting Martin's cheek. 

Two strong arms are now hugging him. 

Holding him. 

Supporting him.

Is he safe? 

_ Failure _ .

_ Ruin _ .

_ Mistake _ .

"No, no, no. Please don't cry, please... Please breathe, Martin... I don't know what to do, I am so useless, fuck... Martin…” Marcin seems almost worried for him.

Is he worth concern?

“Martin, don't force me to try the Teen Wolf's move, in which the girl kisses the guy to make the panic attack stop. I mean, if you wanted a kiss, you should've only asked, kurwa!" 

A sparkle. 

Tiny, warming, bright. 

In his shading world, grey and dying, that sparkle brings colors back.

Happiness? 

_ Failure _ .

_ Ruin _ .

_ Mistake _ .

"P-Please. I..." Marcin's tears wet Martin's cheek, the forehead of his jungler pressed against his.

No. 

Not Marcin. 

No one can make his wholesome, funny, solar, cozy, comfort, caring jungler cry. 

No one. 

Not even his fucking demons. 

Martin focuses on the little sparkle he can feel that is still alive. With the biggest effort of his whole life, he inhales hardly.

Air. 

Filling his lungs. 

Warmth. 

Martin hugging Marcin back. 

"M-Marcin?" The ADC can barely whisper, struggling with his body for survival.

"KURWA! Martin you're here!" The Swede crosses his glare with Marcin's, staring at the two amazing blue gems the other has at the place of his eyes. 

Martin breathes fondly. 

Now he can do it. It’s a relief.

Pain. 

In his chest, in his head, in his whole body. 

But it's ok. 

He can breathe again. 

The marksman snuggles against the steady and welcoming embrace of his Pole, smiling. 

"You saved me, Marcin." He huffs, starting to recompose himself.

With that, the relieved smile of his jungler disappears. 

Marcin scopes him up, and Martin immediately leans in his solid grip. 

"I am the one guilty. Not the savior..." The Pole murmurs, laying his ADC on the bed. 

At that, Martin claws Marcin's t-shirt. He is wearing the one they shared in his welcome video and Jankos' reaction video respectively. 

A sense of belonging warms Martin up. 

"W-Where are you going?" He complains.

"Calling someone USEFUL." The jungler blinks, his eyes darkening.

"N-no. Please... Stay. Please, I want you, I need you..." Martin tangles his limbs to Marcin's body, in a desperate attempt to force him to stay. 

In the end, the jungler lays on his bed with him, giving up and cooing at the ADC’s neediness. 

Then, he raises his chin with two fingers, caressing his skin softly: "I broke my promise, Martin. I promised you I would've gifted you the Worlds. I lied... Let me find something useful now, I think what you’ve just finished to experience is..." 

"NO!" The ADC cries, sobbing again and wetting his jungler's t-shirt. 

"Please no... I only want you, please, you’re the light that chases my demons back… P-Please..." 

The Swede turns in a sobbing mess at the possibility that his Pole might be leaving him alone again. 

He thought he was worth it for a moment.

But Marcin hugs him tightly, laying his head on Martin's hair and cradling him. "Ok, ok. Sssh, I am staying. I am not going anywhere, please sweet creature, don't cry, you're killing me..." 

Maybe he is worth it in the end?

Martin scoffs his head: "If you stay, I am safe." 

The ADC wants Marcin to know. To understand the miracle he had done.

"I am responsible for..." The Pole begins to say, closing his eyes, guilty.

"W-we lost. W-we... F-Failed." Martin admits, snuggling against the other even more, "B-but Marcin... The point is that you make me wanna go  _ forward _ . Stronger, fierce, unbeatable. Please, stay." 

Marcin inhales sharply, clearly shocked. 

“You make me realize it is not over…” Martin continues, smiling softly at Marcin, his eyes watery. “Y-You came here. And now “failure”, “ruin” and “mistake” aren’t matching words with the situation anymore. You give me something to fight for again, you give me yourself. I can fight with you by my side… Do I make sense?” The Swede giggles a little, his head still light for the previous panic attack. 

"I... Kurwa" Marcin murmurs. Martin rubs his face against his jungler’s chest, chuckling. 

"Can you stay for the night? I don't think I can survive by myself, my demons are going to chase me to death if I’m left alone..." 

"I can. I will kick them off." Marcin hugs him tighter, rubbing his back. 

"With Lee Sin kicks? Fuck, I am screwed." Martin jokes with glee. 

"HEY! TAKE IT BACK!" 

They laugh together, and Martin can feel the pain soothes more and more. 

"Is there something else I can do?" The Pole murmurs after a while, in which they've continued to cuddle. 

"Is the offer of the kiss still valid?" 

  
_ Victory _ .

**Author's Note:**

> Oh well, I did it again, didn't I?


End file.
